There was a time when this same girl wanted to change the way of her hair. Their fullness and their direction. Ever so shattering was the fact that she did. She always thought they were supposed to be tameable. What she was missing was that just like her soul, her hair were the perfect embodiment of a dragon’s fire. Full and lush, thick and thunder. However you don’t realise the importance of it until it’s gone; and yes it took her a long while to finally spread that thunder out proudly. To finally speak her truth and live by it. To finally shut those, who dare to speak in front of the dragon. To truly become what she was always breathing. To truly believe in her power and stand up in front of that damn mirror every damn time and say “You don’t get to mock me anymore !” For once she knew what she wanted. She wanted to be herself again but the newer better version of herself. The one who is unapologetically herself through thick and thin.
I remember the way the light was pouring inside the cafe, so much that I couldn’t get any of the embarrassing pictures of yours. Even though your sister was also with us that day, I hardly recall her. I can only remember our healthy banter of insults and you sitting peacefully in front of me. And god I forgot that i was sitting opposite to sunlight, which made me photogenic and you, a photographer. I forgot everyone and everything except us. Only you, me and the heavenly sunlight. I remember my craving of touching you in any way possible and I remember you feeling the same way. Finding excuses to hold me by my shoulder while we walk together. So close that i can keep walking forever. I remember us getting lost in each other’s eyes in between conversations. And I remember you blushing just a second later. I remember we both kind of lost our appetites when together. I remember imagining you in my future, when we met my parents ( I almost wrote ‘our’ parents here ). I remember being gloomy for about 2 weeks after you left. I remember my world changing in a week and then again, after it. I remember you hugging me so tight, that every inch of negativity inside me, dissolved. And I remember peace after that long hug. I needed it, from a very long time. I remember happiness and satisfaction, for a change. And both being somethings ancient to me. I remeber that the last time I called someone my teddy bear was my grandfather and now it’s you. The little kid in me always wanted the care, warmth and cozy cuddles of a teddy bear. I remember not being able to write something for about a year. But look at me now !
Life is really a mixture of things you want and the things you don’t. And Life is definitely not perfect. Infact, it’s a mess. Specially adult life. The older you get, the more complicated and messy it gets. The older you get, the longer your working hours become and the harder it gets. One seems to get habituated and hence tends to ignore the fact that they’re working longer than when they were younger. Sometimes even if you’re doing your dream job, one that you always wanted, you rethink ‘ Did I really wanted this ? ‘ This line gets so stuck in your head that you replay it everyday, thousand times a day. You try to find solutions. Alternatives. I mean why do we have to ‘ just get through this…’, why can’t we actually ‘ bounce happily through it…’. You know like instead of painstakingly doing it for the sake of it, we do it because we simply want to and because we love to.
I’ve been there and felt kind of like there’s no getting out of this cycle. Yes, a cycle. Like where you think you want something but then it turns out differently and you don’t want it anymore; But still next time you believe that it will turn out good, merrier ? You also start to feel like – this isn’t you. And that maybe you’re not meant for this. That, that’s not what you wanted. You feel like, you’re losing yourself. Your sense of true being. But if you’re thinking all this, like me, just hang on to it. You’re still in there. You haven’t lost yourself yet. It’s just your way of reminding yourself of what’s important to you and what’s not. And if you really want to do something you want, then listen to that little voice inside you. In my experience, that voice is never wrong. Connect with yourself all over again. Think, what you want and act upon it. Honestly, just go out there and do it.
And incase you don’t take that risk… you’ll never know what it was like to actually listen to your heart and do what’s right for you and yourself. There’s absolutely nobody else who will benefit from that, but you.
I’m not saying it’ll be easy. But it will be worth it. Might as well be true happiness. Without changing and adjusting yourself into your truest self and doing what you want and what’s right for you, you’ll never know what it was like to achieve that true happiness.
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Lessons and realisations of the past year. Ages since I posted anything 🙈
Veryyy late post because Life’s Busy. But writing always finds its way.
I wrote this for my mom on International Women’s Day because she’s the most empowering woman in my life and also express my love to her on very few occasions. Hence this piece.
Today of all days I want to thank you…for being the woman i adore the most. I don’t think I would’ve been where I am without you. I try to empower women around me everyday by looking up to the woman who empowers me. That’s you, mom.
Women supporting each other, is the most beautiful thing I’ve experienced – with you.
The battles you’ve fought, the places you’ve been, all just to support me, to make me who I am; to help me grow.
Just a reminder : You gave me life, you can never ruin it, even if you try to.
And just because I don’t express my love to you enough, I wrote this little piece.
My Best Friend. My Shopping buddy. My Gossip buddy. My home. My Mom.
I Love you…I will always do.
From your Loving Daughter,
Happy Womens Day to you ❤️❤️
And Happy Women’s Day to all the beautiful and strong out there reading this post. Every one of you is a gem 💎
Darling, things change. A lot. Right now you think you like something it’s probable that you won’t like it tomorrow. Everything changes, your choices, situations, people around you and maybe even you. And that’s alright. There’s no harm in changes as long as you know you are growing with each passing second of your day. Growing to be better. And as long as you can foresee what’s to become of you. As long as you know, you are growing to be where you’re meant to be.
And anyone can tell it through your eyes, if you are changing for the better and getting where you’re ought to be. Because even if you lie to them and to yourself, your eyes won’t lie. So if you are still lying to yourself, simply stop it, it won’t be of any help. Just let go of off the things you think you liked because there’s only so much you don’t know yourself. And so much self acceptance and realisation yet to take place in you. But if you still chose not to listen to me, i’ll be the one saying “I told you so” later and you’ll regret it till the end of your time.
But the catch here is, I know this isn’t you. I know it better than you. I hope that in the future you have wisdom such as mine and you can also see what I can see in you.
A stable piece of writing after a long time ….feels so good !